Listening with Love

Lately, I've taken some time to deeply reflect on my friendships. During this introspection, I realized that I haven't been the best friend I could be. Instead of truly listening to my friends and understanding their needs, I was being the friend I thought I should be, based on my own perceptions.

This revelation struck me deeply. I wanted to understand why I was behaving this way, so I traced my behavior back to my adolescence. Growing up as an only child in poverty, surrounded by cousins until I was seven, then moving across the country to live with my dad, shaped my early experiences with friendship. The connections I made from ages 7 to 14 faded when I moved back to the East Coast to live with my mom. These years are crucial for building lifelong bonds, and I missed out on that stability.

As I navigated familial issues, cultural shocks, and my quest for self-identity, my understanding of true friendship became superficial. I allowed myself to be taken advantage of by acquaintances which made me keep people that I met at arm's length. Although I met many wonderful people along the way, I often found myself feeling like an outsider; almost undeserving of true friendship.

Instead of succumbing to self-pity, I prayed earnestly for genuine connection. I was blessed with a beautiful community of sisters who were there for me, and I for them. Yet, I still felt a disconnect, as if I was a puzzle piece that didn't quite fit. This feeling of not belonging led me to inadvertently sabotage these friendships.

"Why am I doing this?" I asked myself.

Deep down, I realized I wasn't being a good friend. Yes, I showed up and listened, but did I listen without judgment? Did I refrain from giving unsolicited advice? Sometimes, friends simply need someone to listen with love, care, and patience. As a healer, I often feel compelled to "fix" things, but true healing begins when one is ready, and my role is to hold space for that.

I needed to become the friend my friends needed, not the friend I thought I should be. This realization was painful. It broke my heart to acknowledge that I hadn't been there for my sisters as much as they needed. The truth that "you have to be a good friend to get a good friend" became clear. Understanding that being a good friend involves being a good listener has been transformative.

Relationships are a two-way street, and communication is essential. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. In this light, I've learned to forgive myself and make conscious decisions daily to be a better listener in all my relationships.

As I continue on this journey of self-discovery and growth, I invite you to walk alongside me. Let us all strive to be better friends, better listeners, and better human beings. Remember, true connection starts with understanding and empathy. By nurturing our own emotional well-being and showing up authentically for those we care about, we can create a ripple effect of love and healing in our lives and the lives of others. Together, let's embrace this path of transformation, one step at a time, and illuminate the world with the light of genuine, heartfelt connection.